The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
and a little child will lead them.
Isaiah 11-6

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      The Website of Carl Grinde     

After 20 years as gay I don't live a homosexual life anymore.

God is both truth and love at the same time. He loves us but he hates sin. He loves you. He loves us all.



Text: Carl Grinde Date: January 1 2014
Updated May 25 2016


God loves homosexuals! But not homosexuality.
(My change began as early as 2013. This page was written in January 2014. It took a week into January 2014 for me to come in strict obedience)
Yes I feel really loved by God and it feels great to be able to pray to him and get answers to prayers. God is love and He loves us humans but he dislikes sin. God loves homosexuals but he does not like homosexuality. God separates the thing and person. Furthermore, we say in our creed that we believe in a public open church, that all shall be welcome. The thief who hung on the cross next to Jesus at the crucifixion were probably displaced and despised by all. He did not speak in tongues, he was not baptized in the Spirit, he just said to Jesus, " Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Jesus answered: " Amen I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:42-43
If we confess our sins then God is trustworthy, mercyful and he forgeives us. But he wants us to repent our sins and stop sinning.

I have lived as gay for 20 years but now I have changed the way I live
I came out as open gay when I was 19-20 years and I am now 39. Lately (summer and fall 2013) , it has felt as if God tried to talk to me and say that it is wrong to live out as gay and that my liberal lifestyle in general is not according to His will.
I have lived as both gay and Christian and felt satisfied doing it, after many years of spiritual struggle. It has been nice to be able to land in oneself, knowing who you are after all and I have been very happy to live in a liberal and tolerant country . The negative thing of living as a liberal Christian, I cleaned out a lot about the Bible and its morality. It has gone "on the fly" and it has been most convenient to do so.
It's actually very hard to be gay and Christian. The morality of the Bible has often felt hard and cold and it has led to much self-loathing.
This recent inner process have not been hard and cold like it could be sometimes before in my life. It has felt as a dialogue with God. Therefore, I can think of to change the way I live and I try to do it now.
Well ok of course it's tough, but it feels like this is happening in a cooperation, dialogue with God.

Gay scene is often very promiscuous
People in the gay scene often become promiscuous. The gay scene works like this, both for gays and lesbians. Things often revolve around partying, nightclubs, sex, porn, shallowness etc. You party hard, changing sexual partners frequently, and this is exactly what I've done.. I have left this lifestyle now because of the Bible which I think is God's word.
It's sick how much I lied to myself and thought that my lifestyle was accepted before God. Fornication and porn watching will be judged by God have no doubt about it.
Sure, heterosexuals also live licentious but it really is the norm in the gay world.
If you too want to live like this, then do it. But you will receive God's judgment on you. God has given us free will so we can ourselves make our choices. If you want to listen to what the Bible has to say, it is clear that such a lifestyle is not consistent with God's morality and plan for life. You are deceiving yourself if you believe that God likes such a lifestyle.
If you want to be a Christian, then life should be based on what the Bible says about morality and life since it's the word of God.
I have been very selfish in my relations with men. I'm sorry for all the bad things I have done and how I have lived. I'm sorry for the people I have hurt. Here is a precise description of what I have been: I have been a pig, a selfish pig. I have been a swine. I'm sorry.

Homosexuality is more than just sex
Homosexuality is also about emotions and love between two people. About relations. I have had relationships with guys even though they often become very short. I have liked these people very much and when it was at its best, life has been really good. My relationships were often quite short because I always ended after a while. But during this time in my life, when I had relations with men, it felt like the meaning of life for me. I felt: this is who I am. Now afterwards I understand that this is not who God wanted me to be or how he wanted me to live. Leaving the homosexual lifestyle has not been easy.

I don't live as a homosexual anymore
After living a homosexual life for 20 years, I have now changed my mind about my attitude to homosexuality and it has to do with my relationship with God and His word which I believe is the Bible and the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin.
This is obviously not easy for me because I lived as a gay person very long time ... I have also had before "Christian periods of times" or what to call it, spiritual periods when I lived more by the Bible.
Once I take the Bible seriously, which I have done now, then I notice that I'll have to do a complete change, and this is very clear to me.
It feels quite strange actually and unexpectedly because I'm comfortable with my gay identity even if I in recent years become a little bisexual.
In a way it feels a little like I don't know what I'm doing now, a little like walking straight out on a thin ice. At the same time, it feels like God is with me so everything feels okay.
In short you can say that I felt that God (without words) has spoken to me in my daily life and made me understand what he likes/ don't like and he does not want me to live as a homosexual, nor watch porn, nor fornicate etc.
I have now deleted my account on qx.se (Sweden's largest gay site) and also removed the link to qx.se because they have so much pornography.
I had previously told myself that God does not care about my lifestyle when it comes to sex but he does. There is a thing called sin if you want to be Christian are these are things that you should try to avoid doing.
I have had long periods of struggle in my life about the church, God and biblical ethics etc. Christian values has always been in me, the knowledge has been deep inside of me, even if I have been living in sin.
I chose to ignore what the Bible says about homosexuality.
Well now I have changed my mind anyway and want to follow God wholeheartedly, not just half-heartedly. It's kind of just sprung up lately and became very real for me in October/November 2013. A part of it all is that I see where the world is headed. When I blogged I've discovered so much crap in so many areas, society is becoming a fascist dictatorship state. The global totalitarian oppressive state is at the doors. Everything is a game of the ruling elite and the adjustment occurs for the new world order and the Anti - Christ's kingdom in all fields: political, technical, global, spiritually and morally. I do not want to be a part of the destructive, evil. I want to do my best to follow God wholeheartedly.

A UFO is more welcome than the Bible
If you say that you think that we should take the Bible's morals regarding sex and relationships totally seriously today, you are almost seen as disturbed, like a UFO.
It feels like there's an unwritten rule in today's society that says that basically all about sex must be accepted and that this rule is as written in stone, a rule that under no circumstances can be questioned or jogged. Everything has to be tolerated.
For me personally people may live how they want as long as they do not harm or exploit anyone. But if we start talking about giving opinions about the Bible and Christian morality, I say what I think and I believe that one should follow the Bible. Then you drop the whole sex liberalism, porn, etc because the Bible says that man should live in togetherness and stick to one, not lying around.

I take one step at a time closer to God
Exactly what all this will lead to in my life, I do not know now. But I have atleast become free from my internet porn addiction and it feels really good. Thank God!
To all liberals: I think my new ways of thinking should be tolerated because it is my own free choice. I'll try to focus more on God, Jesus and the Bible and less on sex. Definitely no porn. There are other things in life.
I do not watch porn anymore and I don't fornicate. I don't have sex with men.

HIV/AIDS take a closer look
HIV drug companies have historical connections to the Auschwitz concentration camp.
To all gays who do not like my attitude, take a deeper look at hiv/aids- issue and what HIV drugs are really doing with a human body. Is it so cool?
Start investigating and do your own research on HIV/AIDS. They are lying to you. HIV/AIDS is a big lie from the drug companies. Some of the companies that develop diagnostic equipment and medicines on HIV were those who jointly owned the Auschwitz concentration camp during Hitler's Nazi Germany.
HIV drugs kill. This you can read in the package inserts. Human rights is also about the right to health and the right to your own body. This natural right is not being respected.
HIV drug from GlaxoSmithKline, Abbott, Merck MSD, Bristol Myers Squibb will never be known as homophobic - no matter how much they kill gays, lesbians and transsexuals.
As pharmaceutical companies and manufacturers want to maximize sales and profits. They want to increase the chances of being able to sell as much as possible. They do not talk negatively about their own product unnecessarily. You write nothing negative about your own product unless it is absolutely necessary. An absolute majority of all HIV drugs say they kill or cause symptoms that are associated with HIV/AIDS. You take the product, you get the side effects and eventually - AIDS.

You shall have no other Gods before me
This is one of the Ten Commandments and is designed to make us understand that God is number one, God is the supreme, the one we must submit and to obey, because he is a good loving God and our creator. The greatest sin we commonly do in our society today, including myself, is that we break this commandment. We do ourselves to God and put ourselves above God. We determine the actual ethics and morals, and we then say to God what he has a right to say or think. We put ourselves and our desires in absolute first place and God is secondary, last palce. Most have completely thrown away the Bible, God's word. They do not even believe that God exists and therefore it is free to do as they wish. As for Christians , like myself, as I often lived so follow the Bible as long as it does not require any of us. I remember a sermon by Pastor Hans Johansson. He said: either you say "Yes Lord." Or you say, "No, you." You can not say: "No, Lord." Then instead you must say , "No, you, I am myself, my Lord."
You could say that I have had my sexuality as a god instead of the true God. Sex has been my addiction and my God. I want to change this now and live more for God and his Word , the Bible.

Everyone has the right to choose life
Everyone has the right to choose life for themselves, right? I respect the choices of others and that others may think differently. I have had such a truly delightful experience with Jesus that beats everything else I 've experienced. Plus other stuff I experienced with God and Jesus. Therefore, it is conceivable for me to adapt myself to the Bible. I believe that the Bible is God's word. These things you do not do for anything. I would not give up my sexuality for a small thing. It takes something really special if I'll be interested to give up my sex life which I have also found: Jesus Christ, the Son of God! I have described my spiritual experience with Jesus here on the blog. Check out and get to know him you too. It's the best.

Stephen Bennett ex gay
http://www.sbministries.org/members/sbm
http://www.greaterhope.org/stephen-bennett
https://www.google.se/#q=stephen+bennett+gay&safe=active&tbm=vid

True Freedom Trust
http://www.truefreedomtrust.co.uk

Update May 20 2016:
I'm still walking with Jesus on this new path. I have not fallen back into sin. I live in celibacy. I pray four times daily, often out doors. It feels like God's hand has touched my life in a positive way. He saved me from the destructive sin. God is good! Praise Jesus!
What is the most known gay song of all times? I will survive with Gloria Gaynor. And it's about broken relations. It's what you get from the homosexual life in the long run. Broken relations and emptiness.




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